Excerpt from “I Haven’t Found Myself…but I’m Still Looking
Excerpt from “I Haven’t Found Myself…but I’m Still Looking
Don’t believe it. It’s crap. Absolute crap.
Let me save you the trouble. Nobody holds the key to you being “complete”…whatever that means. The desire to use another person to fill something in you that is missing is dangerous behavior. You are only setting yourself up for disappointment.
Note: if you’re into the whole dominatrix thing, no judgment. That’s your business. That’s not what I’m talking about here. I’m talking about effectively relinquishing control of your life to something outside of you in order to define yourself.
This is a HUGE problem. It’s not just a theme we find in “romantic” relationships. This is something that many people apply to several aspects of theirs lives. If it’s not the significant other, it their children. If it’s not the children, it’s the luxury home. If it’s not the luxury home, it’s the wardrobe. If it’s not the wardrobe, it’s the job title…and so on and so on.
As long as you’re looking outside of yourself for the next piece, you will always be at a loss. Why? Because there will always be something else you can acquire. It’s an endless pursuit. Besides, anything that is outside of yourself can be taken away from you at any time. Then what?
You aren’t looking for completion. What you want is wholeness.
Wholeness is something that comes from within. It’s an individual state. It’s a gift you give yourself.
Wholeness is being comfortable in your own skin. It’s knowing that you are taken care of. It’s about following your intuition and living your truth. It’s about alignment with your soul’s purpose. It’s about integrity.
Have you been chasing completion or creating wholeness? What things are you allowing to fill you right now? What sort of things have you struggled with in the past? How did you get past them? Leave a comment. This is a conversation worth having.
I’ve been doing Danielle LaPorte’s Desire Map program. For those of you not familiar, you better ask somebody…or click here. Anyway, I’ve just been getting in touch with what she describes as your core desired feelings.
With summer in full force these past few days (even though it’s still spring) I resumed exercising outdoors. I decided to take in the beauty of the Tidal Basin. Exhausted but fulfilled, I sat in a quiet memorial just observing the birds, and butterflies, and dragonflies. I let their wisdom speak to me.
Birds know all about taking flight at will. Butterflies know all about the beauty of transformation. I once read that dragonflies are symbols of releasing self-imposed limitations. It later dawned on me that these winged creatures were silently sending me instruction on how to be FREE. It’s no wonder I subsequently ran through the sprinklers under their guidance…several times.
Too long, I’ve been stifled by societal expectations-expectations I had adopted as my own. In the past I’ve tried desperately to conform, to fit in. To blend. But it’s never been easy and certainly never felt quite right.
Is it any wonder that my body reacts to any sense of restriction? An ever-evolving allergic reaction to gloves and masks is physical evidence of my aversion to being closed in…which really doesn’t work for someone who’s supposed to be seeing patients. And forget about mental restriction. Thinking inside designated lines is a serious pet peeve of mine.
Liberation is undoubtedly one of my core desired feelings. And I bet if you’re reading this post, it’s something you value, too. What have been the things that have kept you boxed in? What’s stifling you now? What’s keeping you small? Leave a comment…then go break through it!
If you’ve read my bio or know me personally, you know that I would describe myself as once having been “on track, but off purpose.” I was definitely on a road to something and ticking off all the boxes, but they were things that didn’t resonate with me. They had nothing to do with my purpose. I came up with this schematic which seems to encompass most people. Where do you fall? (Brief descriptions follow.)
Confinement (no track) – You are unsure of what your purpose is and have no direction. You feel stifled by your present conditions and may be subject to paralysis. You feel restricted by circumstance. The truth is you either haven’t thought about what your purpose might be, or have not accepted it, or currently lack the tenacity to see it through. You have a tendency to over-think your situation. But as my virtual mentor, Marie Forleo says, “Clarity comes from engagement, not thought.”
Polarization (wrong track) - You are on track for something. You might even be pretty accomplished. Unfortunately, that has nothing to do with your purpose. You feel depleted no matter how many goals you reach or how many pats on the back you receive. Your path is leading you further away from your true purpose. Face the truth if you ever intend on finding fulfillment.
Misalignment (imperfect track) - You are moving the direction of your purpose. However, you feel like something is still not clicking. Keep moving forward and feel your way through. Lose the rigidity in the way you think things should happen. You’re almost there.
Alignment - There is congruence in what you feel, what you do, and the results you see. As exhibited in the schematic, there is a synergistic result when purpose and action come together. Even when you fall off track, as we all do, you can get right back on it. Keep doing you.
So which quadrant do you fall into? What’s your next step to get you to where you want to be?
Excerpt from “I Haven’t Found Myself…but I’m Still Looking” available on Amazon
This is a follow up to a post I wrote for Positively Positive. This is my response to a little backlash I received on Facebook. Find out what all the hoopla was about. And just for the record…I’m not one bit sorry for pissing a couple of people off. Their energy had little if anything to do with me. Sending them love & light. Maybe, they’ll get it now. Maybe not. Oh well…
Affirmations are a highly popular tool in the self-help world. However, affirmations alone, don’t work. Simply saying wise words without making an effort to change underlying belief and behavior isn’t personal development. It’s delusion.
And quite frankly, it’s laziness.
It’s the equivalent of taking the magic pill for weight loss without diet modification or exercise. It’s the easy way out if you aren’t truly committed to real change. Long-lasting change. Earned change.
Affirmations are meant to be used in conjunction with various techniques to instill confidence and eventually lead to meaningful transformation. Don’t get me wrong. I love affirmations when used correctly. And to prove it, below is a list of a month’s worth of them you can use for yourself.
But, do you want to learn about 19 more changes you can consider in creating purposeful change? Go to
and sign up for the newsletter and you’ll also receive the e-book “How to Create The Life You Really Want: 20 Small Strategies for Big Changes.” Or, you can just print out these 31 affirmations for your own use. Either way, you win.
Day#1 I am more than enough.
Day #2 My soul is my compass.
Day #3 I choose to live in infinite possibilities.
Day #4 Fear may be my companion but it will never be my guide.
Day #5 Doubt does not belong to me.
Day #6 My choices are chances for change.
Day #7 I experience what I radiate.
Day #8 I am where I need to be for what I need to learn.
Day #9 I live in a benevolent Universe.
Day #10 I am entitled to inner peace.
Day #11 I invite the miraculous to enter my life.
Day #12 I believe in my Divine worth.
Day #13 I honor my purpose with every conscious decision I make.
Day #14 Limitations are illusions of worry.
Day #15 My options are as wide as my vision.
Day #16 I am never alone in my honorable pursuits.
Day #17 I surrender to the magic that weaves itself into my life.
Day #18 My power is in my belief.
Day #19 I attract pure souls into my world.
Day #20 I am deserving of the visions I hold.
Day #21 Every thing I value comes to fruition.
Day #22 I am prepared to meet my destiny head on.
Day #23 My purpose is clear, worthy and attainable.
Day #24 Nothing is out of Divine reach, including me.
Day #25 I welcome truth as my ally.
Day #26 I trust my dreams to be my guides.
Day #27 I am worth the effort my dreams require.
Day #28 I am growing with every experience.
Day #29 I honor myself in all ways possible.
Day #30 My spirit is invincible.
Day #31 My ability is extraordinary and my Divine reserves are infinite.
Concentrate on one affirmation a day. But I promise you, unless you’re willing to do the necessary additional work, the life you crave will remain elusive. Don’t let it slip away. It’s waiting for you.
Leave a comment. How have affirmations worked for you?
It’s so big that most people get overwhelmed by the very thought…so they just stop thinking about it or say things like, “I don’t know if I have one.”
However, there are three pervasive myths that keep many of us baffled. So let’s dispel them instantly.
Myth #1. Purpose must be passionate
Passion is usually thought of as all consuming. It rules your existence. It’s bold and obvious. And if you aren’t bold & obvious about it, well, then you must not be passionate.
Mother Teresa was hardly a maniac acting out her mission. Her work spoke for itself. Whispered – with impact. Point being, passion doesn’t have to be loud. It just has to be pure.
Myth #2. Purpose must be grand.
Speaking of Mother Teresa…some of us will leave a visible global impression. Most of us will quietly leave our imprints. On a spiritual level, one is not more important than the other. If what you do leads to connectedness, it’s ALL equally grand. It’s about the type of contribution, not the size of it.
Myth #3. Purpose is singular.
People are hesitant to pick the wrong thing – “I don’t know if that’s my purpose.” Here’s the thing. You can change at any given time. Following your spirit is never wrong. And the more aware you become, you may feel the need to express it differently. You may be multi-purposed and it’s perfectly ok to feel your way through things.
Ignore these three presumptions, and you will be well on your way to finding your purpose or strengthening what you already know it to be.
The world needs you. Get going!